i'm pulling my anchor up from these ambient airwaves

being in thesis-writing mode, i'm spending a lot of time at my apartment and so sometimes go for an entire day having spoken only a few sentences with other people. it's easy to get lost in your own little world this way, especially when it's one of those chilly, cloudy fall days.

this morning i was sleepy-headed, eating cereal in near silence on the couch as i watched the people moving slowly along parc and bernard in the grey morning. even the colour of the raspberries was dull.



next i went to todd's house to pick up a print that i'm giving some friends. it's of one of their favourite cities, chicago, i'm going to give it to them as a housewarming gift when they move next month. even though he's only 5 minutes away, walking over without a jacket was rather intense and so my brain, numbed now by sleep and cold, managed to form only a few words in admiration of the print before retreating back to my place, print rolled safely under my arm. a sliver of colour began to show.


in the afternoon, determined to drag myself out of this grey rut of a day, i went to copie 2000 to print my thesis, all 95 x 3 pages of it. fitted into blue binders and thick enough to label with a thick sharpie.



a brief moment of glory to fade quickly to frustration when i went to hand it in to my department and the person in change simply said "we don't want it." i then couriered it myself over to the proper recipients, who all seemed equally unenthused. my internal examiner, who picked up the (rather hefty) bundle and remarked, "hmmm, you wrote a lot." and the graduate office secretary who, after reviewing my forms and thesis several times to make sure everything was in order, simply gave a flat "congratulations" and gave me a cheap pen with the word SUCCESS and the McGill logo on the side. sigh.



my friend marc and i have made plans to see the dodos tomorrow night, so i managed to work up some enthusiasm for what will certainly be a great show. i head to the ATM to get some cash for the tickets. by now the sun has set and i still haven't really woken up or had a real conversation with anyone. there's someone inside the room when i go to withdraw cash, a homeless guy. there are often people who sleep there, since the door is always open and it's a bit more sheltered than simply sleeping on the street. this guy is a bit younger than usual, and he's eating a grapefruit. we get to talking and he shows me this big bag of vegetables and fruits, i guess he got them from one of the fruiteries on mile end who were getting rid of stuff. anyways, after he offered me some grapefruit and a bell pepper, we started talking about the weather. a banal topic, yes, but i was just trying to understand how he dealt with the cold, because i have shelter and clothes and food and heating, yet still sometimes i can't stop the chills from getting into my brain. his response was simple. he was going to pull his anchor up from these ambient airwaves and go to where it's warmer.

i guess it's just a matter of volition, to leave behind the grey and find the oranges.